Build your daughter's confidence, self-worth and resilience, for life​


Build your daughter's confidence,
self-worth and resilience, for life



Our Courageous Parenting Program is helping parents raise confident daughters around the world.

Whether you’re heading into the turbulent teen years with your daughter, or already right in the thick of it, this time can feel scary, frustrating and out of your control. 

Courageous Parenting has been developed to help you understand your daughter’s emotions, behaviours and (lack of!) communication, to bring back connection, lightness and trust to your relationship.

“Between the ages of 8 and 14, a girl’s confidence can drop (on average) up to 30%. No wonder you’re starting to see pull-back, pushing away, increased anxiety, and self-doubt creeping in.

I know the struggle to support her is real. Your little girl is not so little anymore, and with that growth comes a whole lot of changes…

Changes in her behaviour, emotional outbursts and opinions, and ultimately how receptive she is to your help on any given day. (If at all!)

But holding onto and building confidence is CRITICAL now and for her future self, and while you might be starting to face a few more eye-rolls and slammed doors these days, I promise the one person she needs to stay in her corner is YOU.”

– Tanya Meessmann, Youth Expert and founder of Girl Shaped Flames

As we mentioned above, research shows that between the ages of 8 and 14, girls’ confidence levels are (on average) falling by 30%. So where is this drop coming from?


You may be witnessing changes to your daughter's body that you can physically see, but there are also incredible changes happening in her brain which are contributing to the drop in her self-perception and confidence.


She is facing a significant increase in information exposure and processing, as well as a natural instinct to widen her world of influences, developing opinions and new thought patterns. You could be on the receiving end of this, so know that you're not alone!


Her world is also changing – comfortable routines and predictable environment are dissolving and there is a new requirement for independence, increased expectations, mature concepts and often a faster and more pressurised pace of life.


Hormones are fluctuating and you might be seeing that she is becoming much more aware of the opinion of others. Girls develop a heightened sensitivity to perceived threats and find it hard to manage big emotions that can seem to come out of nowhere.

As to be expected, this often coincides with the introduction of SOCIAL MEDIA and the challenges that introduces to her life as well.

“I have two girls, one in grade 6 and one in grade 7 and life felt really hard. We felt like we were going backwards as parents, as opposed to forward and everywhere I looked I couldn’t find anything that I felt was ever going to help.” Alissa, mother of 11 & 12 year old girls

That sense of loss…

It might feel as though your little girl doesn’t seem to need you in the same way that she did. Perhaps the fear of losing her starts creeping in, which is significant, because as a parent your instinct is to protect and to nurture. If there are barriers starting to go up, it’s can be terrifying as it reduces how much you can protect her and influence her in a positive way.

What the heck is going on?! 

No one has given you a handbook to navigate raising your daughter in the 21st Century. You’re being challenged to keep developing and evolving your own parental approaches and strategies as your daughter grows and evolves as well. This is a landscape that no previous generation of parents has had to navigate before.

Everything is different now.

You’re simultaneously trying to deal with your own life challenges, understand your own thoughts and opinions on aspects of today’s world such as social media, academic expectations and how to prepare your daughter for the best future she can possibly have, when you don’t even know what that future’s going to look like!

And often overwhelming. 

It’s hard to feel good about yourself as a parent when it feels as though so many of the things that you’re doing are wrong or having no effect or impact. If your connection with your daughter seems to be fragile or thinning, it’s easy to feel as though you’re flying blind and it’s hard to catch your breath, or a break.

Alissa (10 & 12 year olds)

“Life felt really hard. We felt like we were going backwards as parents as opposed to forwards.”

Rob (8 & 10 year olds)

“This program allowed us to come together to talk and share important ideas. We’re building a young woman.”

Melanie (14 year old)

“I want to be as good as possible a parent for her through her teenage years. Your child is only young once.”


A way to smooth things out, pre-empt the emotional rollercoaster and jump in to manage it bravely and pro-actively. To connect with your daughter in such a way that you’re the person she comes to when her confidence is dipping and she’s questioning her direction. To prepare her for life’s ups and downs while protecting what really matters: her self-worth.

Your Questions Answered

If you’re interested in the program but would like a quick chat with one of the facilitators (Tanya) before you lock in your place, you can book a 20 minute time slot via the button below.

Imagine if you knew what to do.

When you saw her faltering, holding back or low in confidence – imagine if you knew on a far deeper level what what going on with your daughter, and how to navigate her ever-shifting goal posts to really help her through to the other side?

Imagine if you could exhale, knowing that the bond between you is strong, and that she’s more likely to come to you in her times of need, than to turn away.

Imagine if these years weren’t as bumpy, as nerve-wracking, or as emotionally explosive as they are destined to be (or perhaps already are!)

For both of you.

Graduates from our Courageous Parenting 8-module interactive coaching program have told us they come away feeling:

“The program gave me a deeper recognition of my role as, not so much my daughters’ disciplinarian, but the caretaker of their own identity.  And an important reminder to myself that: they’re not me.” – Melissa, parent of 12 and 14 year old daughters

The teenage years represent the final critical period of brain development that occurs before your daughter’s brain fully matures.

During the key developmental time your daughter’s brain is actively mapping out new neural connections that directly affect her ability to regulate emotions, apply reason, ‘bounce back’ from failures and ultimately shape her own version of confidence.

As a parent, you have the opportunity to play a critical role in supporting your daughter to grow a healthy, resilient, and adaptable brain through the way you interact with her, the environment you create, the relationships you nurture and the behaviours that you role model.

It is now more important than ever to ensure you are providing her every opportunity to map critical pathways that will ultimately set her, and her brain, up for their best chance at a confident and courageous life.

Tanya (12 year old)

“I was unsure about how to teach my daughter to be courageous and confident when I’m still working on that myself.”

Amy & Rich (8 & 10 year olds)

“I’m trying to get my head around what’s going on in her head when you see that explosive reaction coming…”

Chris (10 year old)

“I was struggling and labelled myself as a really bad parent.  Now I know how to manage things in a constructive, kind way.”

“Doing this program at the stage we’re at as a family has been really good because it’s given us skills to develop and use now, and also down the track.” – Rich, parent of 9 and 12 year old girls

The Courageous Parenting Program is a 9-week online coaching program that provides a blend of neuroscience, psychology and real-world insights to empower parents as they navigate the (often bumpy!) tween and teen years.



Who are already starting to see her confidence waver and want to get a jump on things now to pre-empt the common confidence dive that takes place as the girls start high-school.


Right in the thick of it, who may have lost their confidence over the years and in turn the bond with their parents that is needed to help build it back up again.


The disconnection between parents and daughters during the 'Identity Phase'

Your triggers and boundaries (and why she seems determined to push your buttons!)

Your daughter's brain development during this critical period of her youth

How your perception of confidence differs from her (and why that matters)

Specific challenges when parenting in the 21st Century

The role failure, rejection, judgement and the unknown plays in eroding her confidence

Who and what is influencing your daughter (and what to do about it)

How to help her manage toxic friendships

Supporting her through negative thinking

Defiance and disobedient behaviour (what what she's trying to achieve!)

... and SO MUCH more!


The key to the success of Courageous Parenting lies in the unique and effective blend of neuroscience, psychology and real world experiences provided by youth expert Tanya Meessmann and neuroscientist and counsellor Dr Diane Harner.

The course content has been strategically curated to build onto one module of learning from the next. This ensures parents participating build foundational knowledge and understanding as they layer insights which lead to improved outcomes that can be immediately applied to every day life.


As founder of Girl Shaped Flames, Tanya has worked with over 3500 teenage girls, their parents and educators to develop their confidence, resilience and self-belief. Through this work she’s been recognised as a thought-leader in the confidence space and is often found working with full school cohorts and speaking at corporate events on the life-changing effect confidence has on girls.

Diane has a PhD in neuroscience and has been applying brain science to decode our thinking and behaviour for the past 15 years as an adolescent counsellor. She has worked with adults and children from all walks of life to empower performance, build resilience and confidence and enhance self-awareness and emotional regulation.

Comprehensive, Expert Information

The course content steps parents through 8 key modules that are balanced between behavioural insights, neurological influences and real-world examples.

Across over 50 short videos, worksheets and written summaries, Tanya and Di explain in detail critical concepts that are affecting your daughter's confidence, self-worth and behaviour.

The course contents are also available on a handy 'app' so you can sneak those videos in during school pick-up wait-times and appointments!

Additional resources for your relationship

Second only to concerns about their daughter's confidence, 'communication' is the second most highlighted area of distress that parents discuss with us.

We do dedicate an entire module to the topic, however we also wanted to provide you with a resource that has been designed for both your daughter and yourself to utilise to get conversation flowing on some (often tricky) topics through our 10 Module Connection Kit.

Lifetime Access

And.... the every critical lifetime access!

Access to the course contents spans well beyond the day we say goodbye after 9 enriching weeks together. And this has been intentional.

What you learn now will have relevance for MANY years to come, and can be revisited when you face new obstacles, or need a refresher on long-standing ones.

“I feel that as a parent my confidence has been reinforced by the content, especially the neuroscience.  I have a clearer understanding where my daughter is developmentally, and to also know that I’m not alone feeling like this.” Melanie, parent of a 14 year old girl.

We’re not going to lie, we get through a LOT in 9 weeks! But as you’ll hear from our past participants, the videos are quick and easy (knock each module over in less than 2 hours a week), the worksheets clear and the written summaries a sweet relief.

Here’s a bit more about the concepts we explore throughout the Courageous Parenting Program:


Courageous parenting starts with you. Your own childhood influences have shaped how you parent, decisions you make and belief systems that drive your instincts. We look at reactive Vs perceptive parenting and help you develop a comprehensive understanding of your own triggers and blocks.


Every girl is unique – individual among her friends and (surprisingly!) not just a younger version of you. To truly be able to raise her to be confident, resilient and empowered, it’s critical to understand her as the person she is today including her fears, motivations, values and influences.


All strong and effective bonds are based upon good communication. Your daughter relies upon that bond to provide her with safety and security which in turn builds her confidence and self-belief. Navigating communication with young girls is one of the most challenging aspects of parenting! 


Confidence is different for everyone: what makes you feel confident, how you express it and why it is important to you are unique and personal. It’s important for you to understand your own perspective on confidence and allow your daughter the space to develop hers.


The challenges that your daughter is navigating are more complicated than just “school”, “friendships” or “body issues”. She’s in a phase of her life where expectations are high, senses are heightened and life is unpredictable, creating many fears across failure, the unknown, judgement and rejection.


Now it’s time to translate what you have learned so far into simple and practical activities, tools and strategies that your daughter can engage in to incrementally grow her confidence with you by her side.


And now it’s your turn! What you do next is going to have a significant impact. We will help you to understand the role that you play as your daughter develops her confidence, a role that is supportive and encouraging yet not coercive or overwhelming, and is ultimately the embodiment of courageous parenting.


We finish strong, diving deeper into the most comment issues including; defiant and disrespectful behaviour, friendship challenges and negative thinking.

“I don’t have time”

The Courageous Parenting Interactive Program takes less than 2 hours a week to complete and is divided up into bite sized chunks so you can learn something in the time it takes to have a cup of coffee.  

Chances are, if you add up the minutes you spend each week worrying about your daughter, trying to connect with her and navigating tricky teen-girl waters you’ll find 2 hours pretty quickly!

“It’s probably not going to work with MY daughter”

Every parent, daughter and relationship is different, with unique influencing factors and histories. This comprehensive program has been specifically designed to teach you critical fundamentals that are designed to be applicable to a wide range of situations including early fractures in her confidence, or your relationship, through to more extensive issues around anxiety and constant arguments.

“That’s quite a financial investment”

To provide some perspective, Tanya and Dr Harner’s combined hourly rate sits in excess of $400/hour. Together, the online content, worksheets and bonus content delivers over $10,000 in value for each individual completing the course.

But at the end of the day, the consideration is the same as with any notable expense: is the potential return greater than the investment?

“Is my daughter too young?

It’s never too early to start!  Studies show that girls’ confidence can start deteriorating from as young as 8 years old, so the work you put in now prepares her to face the challenges that will come with the introduction of high school. 

That said, we’d suggest that the course is most relevant for parents raising children 8 years old and above.  For younger children we recommend continuing to offer play and co-regulation strategies to help them grow.

“Is my daughter too old?”

The strategies taught throughout the program can be applied during any stage of life, however our greatest opportunity to support them is when they are still at home and we can role model behaviours and provide the environment for growth.

“Can’t I just google this?”

There is a LOT of fantastic parenting information out there. But, like most, you’ve no doubt felt that wall of overwhelm when you head down the ‘how do I build my daughter’s confidence’ rabbit hole.

To save you time and frustration we have curated the best and most relevant information to support you and your daughter as you navigate the teen years. We have reflected on our own parenting experience and drawn on the experience of our parenting network, spoken to thousands of tween and teen girls to hear their challenges and then combined this knowledge to bring you what you need in simple practical tools and strategies that you can implement immediately.

This is not just about consuming content: this is about reflection, sharing and understanding yourself and your daughter to become the best versions of yourselves.

The journey you are on with your daughter is multifaceted. While she is certainly your focus, your confidence, your calm, and your enjoyment of this period of her life is also important and valuable.  

In addition to this, as you’ll hear Di and Tanya refer to time and time again during the program: you need to Protect The Relationship. A strong bond, mutual respect and healthy communication are key to keeping that connection between the two of you, so she knows where to turn when she needs her biggest cheerleader. 

“I know for me personally, and for us, this program has made a massive difference.  I think there’s nothing else that would have given me that confidence.  I’m eternally grateful for the fact that we had the opportunity to be a part of it.” Alissa, mother of 11 & 12 year olds

This is what you get when you register for Courageous Parenting:

✔️ 24/7 access to the full Courageous Parenting Program and portal that takes you through all the strategies and tactics that you can turn to when navigating both your and your daughter’s confidence challenges.

✔️ Eight Modules including 50+ ‘coffee-length’ videos that walk you through immediately applicable strategies, tools and approaches to put into action with your daughter

✔️ Real-world-inspired Worksheets that provide you the opportunity to apply your learnings and embed critical knowledge

✔️ Weekly live group video coaching calls with Di and myself to talk through each module and hear from other parents about their experiences (and the recorded replays)

✔️ Lifetime membership of our private and confidential Courageous Parenting FB Community, in which Di and I are actively supporting parents every day throughout the 9 week program with their specific issues or challenges as they apply the information to real life

✔️ Module summaries for those of you who prefer to skim-read and scribble notes as you go!

✔️ Lifetime access to refer back to the content again and again as your daughter develops into the amazing young woman she is destined to become!

Plus the ADDITIONAL support resource for you and your daughter:

✔️ 3 x 1 hr ‘Fan Your Flames’ group coaching sessions with Tanya (valued at $180)

✔️ Girl Shaped Flames Connection Kit – a 10 module resource providing conversation starter kick-offs and content for you to build your connection with your daughter (valued at $145)

✔️ 12 months unlimited access to Shine From Within’s Online Academy – featuring live virtual workshops for your daughter hosted by youth mentors from around the world (valued at $250)

Chris (10 year old)

“When you look at what you’re getting, I would do it again in a heartbeat. So worth it!”

Leah (11, 14 & 16 year olds)

“If I cannot spend this money on my own relationship and kids, what am I doing? This has got to be more important than anything else I do.”

Tanya (12 year old)

“It was the best investment I could make to give me the confidence, to teach my daughter to be confident and courageous, and to me that’s invaluable.”





Best Value
  • Save a further 10%
  • Participation in June 2021 9-week Live Coaching Program
  • Bonus 3 x Fan Your Flames Group Coaching Sessions for your daughter


Most Convenient
  • Spread out the cost
  • Participation in June 2021 9-week Live Coaching Program
  • Bonus 3 x Fan Your Flames Group Coaching Sessions for your daughter

Yes!  The entire course is delivered online, which can be accessed through an App or Desktop.

We’d recommend finding approximately 2 hours of per week to watch all of the training videos, complete the readings and do the worksheets.

The program content is designed for parents only, however you will be provided with activities and suggestions to undertake with your daughter in your own time. 

Some past participants have also chosen to share specific module videos with their daughter to help her better understand her own brain, behaviour and emotions. 

The 9-Week Coaching Program kicks off on the 31st of May.

Yes! We have a 14 Day Refund policy, which means you can do the first 2 modules and if you find that this is not what you signed up for and you can prove you’ve done all the work, we’ll gladly refund your money, less a $150 administration fee.  In order to receive a refund, you will need to submit proof of completing the work and your worksheets within this 14 day period for our assessment.  Once this 14 day period has passed, there will be no refunds issued.  The 14 Day period begins when Module 1 is released, so even if you start making payments in advanced with one of our extended payment plans, you will still be able to receive a full refund, minus the AUD$150 administration fee, up to 14 days into the course content.

If you haven’t found an answer to your question in the FAQs above or on this page, please email us directly on [email protected].